I was going to type this post directly on my computer, but I was struggling to write. But I refused to let another day go by without me doing some kind of writing. So, these words are the product of my dictation, my attempt to overcome this bout of “writer’s block.”
…I am struggling to be creative. Maybe it’s stemming from a sense of avoiding failure. I don’t really know. But I refuse to let another day go by. So, this is a way for me to let it out.
Last week, I set a goal for myself to post on Instagram about writing. Yesterday, I was going to actually do it. I was going to do it even if I had to do an audio recording like I’m doing right now. I wanted to write about writer’s block and how for me, specifically, it showed up in a way that I didn’t even want to open up a blank document, let alone write. I’ve written in my journal to participate in class, but when it’s come to writing something for me, I’ve been struggling. So, I was going to talk through it just like I’m doing right now.
Funny enough, yesterday I ended up eating lunch at Dieter’s house. He invited me over after work and we don’t usually eat together at that time, so I wanted to go over that much more. So, I went there for a while and I could see the time slipping away. Eventually, I left right before traffic was supposed to hit. But of course, there was traffic anyway because, well, Miami. And, of course, it also then started to rain, which made traffic worse.
I was going to create when I got home. But Dieter decided to not work due to the rain, so he came over and we ate dinner together. We then started watching TV. And we all know how much I love watching TV. So, there I was, attempting to relax but all the while thinking about how I wasn’t writing. Next thing I know, it’s 10 o’clock. At that time, I just wanted to go to sleep because I was exhausted.
I then mention to Dieter about how I was going to write but didn’t, because, of course, I was cranky. He was like, oh, well, you didn’t tell me. And he’s right. Now, I didn’t blame him exactly, but I was upset. So, we got into this whole conversation about how it’s been hard for me to lean into my creative side when there have been all sorts of other problems in our life to be fixed lately, all sorts of crises surrounding our family members. And, for me, that always takes priority. It also hasn’t helped that I’ve been frustrated at work and my body hasn’t been responding well. On top of that, I’ve been struggling to really allow myself full range of expression. It’s a mix of things.
A mix of excuses is what it really is…
But I’m ready to let it out. I’m ready to let God communicate through me, no holds barred. And I want to talk more through all the reasons behind why I could be holding back.
The potential fear of being my full self and hiding behind my daily life…
Feeling like my purpose is shifting…
Not knowing how to be creative while also being in the workforce…
All of it. I want to dive in and figure it out.
So, thank you, God, for giving me this time and space. And for encouraging me to create. And thank you to Dieter for also encouraging me. Whether it’s through writing directly or dictating my ideas, it’s time to let it all come through. It’s time to write.
