Today, while riding in the car, I decided to pull out my notebook and start writing. I’m not even a huge fan of the notepad I had, but I packed it in my purse just in case. I decided to pull it out and let my pen hit the page. I didn’t know what I would write, I just knew that I had to.
It reminded me of the last time I did that, years ago, while I was riding passenger on the way to the Keys to write a Travel Writing piece for school. Before we left, I had said that if at any point I should grab my notebook and start writing, to not say a word and just let me write. Which was respected. For that, I was always grateful. While I was writing, there was no light in the car save from the full moon outside. Still, I wrote. This was the type of writing that needed no light or direction, it was automatic. And it was beautiful. It was the most important part of that trip, and I will treasure its message always.
Today’s experience, though brief, was no less special. There was a sweet silence that came over the car while I was writing. I felt comfortable, at peace. Today’s experience was important because it brought me back to myself. There are a few very specific practices that bring me back to myself whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed by the outside world and become disconnected from myself, and writing in this way is one of them. Especially when surrounded by my loved ones. To be able to write freely while surrounded, uninterrupted, is of utmost importance. I need to feel free to be myself and write. Writing is my medium. So I am very happy to have felt that way today. The writing itself was also important. The message was not specific in the way that previous automatic writings have been, but it didn’t need to be. The message was clear, this is about me. It’s about me being fully myself. It’s about me not holding back who I am due to circumstance. I am able to be myself, no matter what. I just needed to prove it to myself. I needed to remind myself. I needed to write.